catherine-siena-dr-of-the-church:

srsfunny:

I’ve been here longer than you and I’ve never seen a ghost here

I had to read that 4 times before my brain actually got it.

posted 3 years ago with 181,056 notes
via:primrosily   source:srsfunny

Hope y’all enjoy inactivity

posted 5 years ago with 1 note

Well instagram is a more loving community and I haven’t used this website in a while but oh well

posted 5 years ago with 2 notes
posted 6 years ago with 227,181 notes
via:asian   source:keithsweatshop

mrozna:

greenzaku:

becausebirds:

Bro… what are you doing?

These are Australian magpies, and it gets better.

The one hanging upside down is a juvenile, from the appearance of its spotted breast, which adults do not have.. At that age they can fly but are pretty clumsy. I’m guessing it managed to collide with the sheet or attempted to land on it and is now hanging on for dear life. Falling on its head just off the ground is unlikely to hurt it, but it won’t be pleasant regardless.

The one approaching it is an adult female, more than likely its mother, from the grey pattern on the back of her neck. That same area in males is solid white. She’s probably a little concerned.

“What did you do lil buddy????”

“I DONE FUCKED UP”

posted 6 years ago with 55,569 notes
via:mystereoheart   source:becausebirds
posted 6 years ago with 209,440 notes
via:mystereoheart   source:cesaray

trashgender-garbabe-nova:

hvlth-gxth:

2016 is the year all discrimination ended and mankind chose one of two sides which would be eternally embroiled in bitter contempt for one another.

2014: Skeleton War
2016: Clown-Viking War

posted 6 years ago with 91,713 notes
via:mystereoheart   source:cuntwithanerfgun-deactivated201

moonlandingwasfaked:

when you run out of drama to make in your life you gotta start ant drama

posted 6 years ago with 372,214 notes
via:escabye-deactivated20190922   source:hotvampireadjacent
posted 6 years ago with 216,924 notes
via:hand   source:motherish

elijvhx:

Me: *carries my phone with me everywhere in the house even though nobody is texting me*

posted 6 years ago with 274,155 notes
via:asian   source:elijahnls-deactivated20210320

kvothe-kingkiller:

violent-darts:

the-desolated-quill:

anal-sneeze:

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?”

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound.

The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way.

Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery.

The monks accept him, feed him, even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier.

The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”

The man says, “All right, all right. I’m *dying* to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?”

The monks reply, “You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.”

The man sets about his task. Forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, “I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.”

The monks reply, “Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.”

The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, “The sound is right behind that door.”

The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, “Real funny. May I have the key?”

The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.

Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone.

The man demands the key to the stone door.

The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby.

He demands another key from the monks, who provide it.

Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire.

So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst.

Finally, the monks say, “This is the last key to the last door.”

The man is relieved to no end.

He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound.

But I can’t tell you what it is because you’re not a monk

image

Originally posted by disneyasastrology

BWAHAHAHAHAH. 

the way i learned this, it was always told through spoken word. And you’d do the door thing for ages. AGES. literally just making up any old material. ‘behind the foam door is a door made of spinach’ that kind of shit. Go on until whoever is listening has already begged you to stop and has now gone on to pleading, clutching your shirt on their knees pleading. And when you finally said the last line? People went fucking nuts Like there was a good chance of just getting the teeth knocked out of you after telling that joke.

A friend of mine did that shit for 30 minutes on a camp once. The entire fucking bus just exploded in anger when she finished. It was a fucking massacre. 

posted 6 years ago with 435,505 notes
via:alynsylum   source:frogmunist-deactivated20190724

just-shower-thoughts:

Set your WIFI password to 2444666668888888, when your friend ask just tell him it’s 12345678

posted 6 years ago with 155,005 notes
via:just-shower-thoughts   source:just-shower-thoughts

positivedoodles:

[drawing of a blue shark saying “Happy Friday!” in a blue square-shaped speech bubble.]

posted 6 years ago with 1,360 notes
via:positivedoodles   source:positivedoodles
Lucius: *loses Draco in a crowd*
Lucius: *uses wand as a megaphone* HARRY POTTER IS GREAT
Draco: EVERYONE THINKS HE'S SO SMART, WONDERFUL POTTER WITH HIS SCAR AND BROOMSTICK
Lucius: found him

posted 6 years ago with 49,387 notes
via:iwriteshakespeareanninsults   source:siriusblocked

(Source: twitter.com)

posted 6 years ago with 424,987 notes
via:grammostolas-deactivated2018100   source:paramele